He's two months old today, napping on my chest, and if I'm honest, I'm his security blanket. He knows my voice, my smell, and my face. I know his cries, when he's hungry, and lately when he's done being passed around. Each day he wakes early and often goes back down before his brothers are up. It's debatable as to whether or not I sleep or wake too for a chance to sip some hot coffee, two cups now rather than one, and open my Bible.
I'm trying to workout again in the forms of walks or pilates. I feel better when I'm out of pajamas earlier in the day and when breakfast is easy for everyone else. I bought a new curling iron in hopes of feeling a bit more put together but if I'm honest most days mascara isn't even happening.
In reality, I'm in a state of overwhelm. I'm not undone, there is just a lot that whelms me. Is that a word? Spellcheck didn't tell me otherwise. There's the school year we have to finish, the newborn I'm trying to savor, the boy I'm teaching to read and the laundry piles that appear nightly on my bed. There's the Bible I'm trying to read, the books I wish I could, and the early bedtime that calls my name each night.
I'm figuring out this season just as much as we all are. I'm glad that school will be done soon. There will be less to consider then. We'll get slower mornings, more walks, more bread to be baked. I have a feeling a lot of desserts will fill our kitchen too. It'd be troublesome if this overwhelm felt like it was here to stay, but I know it's just a season we're passing through. It's a season I don't want to wish away, one I want to savor, and one I know will be gone in a blink. My tween son reminds me of this. Just when our baby starts sleeping more I'll be up later as he is now, not tired, and wanting to be social.
Next year we'll have a toddler and a middle schooler. Two very middle children finding their own place and two parents in the thick of it. The boys love to talk about how old they'll be when the baby is a toddler, or walking, or driving, or in college. For now, they're all still little. I know I'll look back and realize that. I'll realize I was more in shape than I thought I was, more capable than I thought I was, and when the world may not highlight the work of a stay at home, homeschooling Mother, that's ok. I know the One who sees me, whose with me, and who gives me the strength when all the things whelm me.